Beaten, what for....

[voice_of_fire]

Who: Hotsuma And Shusei
When: Late Night after the campfire.
Where: Outside under the stars. Near Athena's cabin.
What: THE TALK...
Warnings: Angst...lots of it, maybe a few triggery topics by way of people wanting to die etc...



He had grabbed the blanket from his bed and headed outside, sure they were not married this time. They were just friends but the thing is, Shusei was always there and Hotsuma in a strange place with people he did not know and could not trust...needed that.

So he spread the blanket under the tree, flopped down on it and let his head rest back against the trunk. He knew Shusei would be coming soon, they had agreed to this. It was the only way for them.

That and there was a topic that still needed discussing, Hotsuma could not shake those words. Over and over again they played in his mind as he waited.

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[voice_of_fire]

He had no idea, that his guilt was hurting Shusei this way. He did not think of it as Shusei hurting him, it was his own mistake, what he had done that caused it. It was him that had hurt Shusei, that is what those scars meant. It was his fault, not Shusei's, so how could he ever realize it was that very guilt that Shusei felt he was causing.

At first the guilt, the pain all began to cover his face as Shusei unbottons his shirt. Hotsuma's hand balled into a fist, gripped with a fierceness because this is what he had done.

Then he heard the words, they sunk in through the layers of guilt over the very thing he was trying to look away from.

"Shusei...." His voice was thick with emotion, how could he have been so blind. All this time, it was him that had been hurting Shusei because he could not forgive himself. His hand started to unclench, to rise as his eyes come and focus directly at those scars.

What was in his eyes now however was a spark of gold, a hint of determination as fingers finally made contact.

"I had no idea, I always blamed myself for hurting you, because I never wanted that. Out of every one, you were the one I couldn't hurt and I did. " It was the reason he tried so hard now, because he could never do what he had done to Shusei again. His fingers followed the scars as he continued.

His eyes went from them to Shusei, he knew them well enough even in his mind's eye to still trace them.

"Forgive me Shusei." Gone was the angry young man, this was just Hotsuma as only Shusei ever saw him.

"I'll never look away from these scars again, I will look at them as a reminder that we're in this together. Just please, don't leave me." He could lose any one, he could survive it but only if Shusei was beside him.

[gods_blinded_eyes]

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