Shusei had listened to the protests and he'd tried to take them to heart, but it was the denial of the one thing that was an absolute truth between them, of the one thing that had grown to become what he saw as an insurmountable wall that caused Hotsuma pain every day that made it impossible to accept those careless words into his heart.
That's why he sighed and pushed the blanket off his lap, then shifted so that he was kneeling beside Hotsuma, facing his partner, Shusei finally forced his deadened gaze up to watch Hotsuma's shifting expression, already resigning himself to the retreat he was about to see from the other as he lifted his hands and quite deliberately began to unbutton his shirt.
With each button undone, the fabric parted, gaped to show the first traces of scars on his upper chest and shoulders.
"I can see it, Hotsuma. Every time you look at me, all you can see are these and I can see the way you blame yourself... despite the fact that I've never blamed you. Every time you see these, I can see the way you berate yourself and... I just can't do it anymore." He paused then to take a breath, and try as he might, he could not force himself to keep his gaze on Hotsuma's face. He couldn't bear to see that rejection of him as he was now once again.
And this time, when he spoke, it was barely above a whisper, "I've always been proud of these wounds, because they brought you back to me but for you... these indelible scars have only ever hurt you and so... So I think it's time we stop being partners. Here, perhaps, you can find someone that doesn't hurt you as I do, because I can't do it anymore, Hotsuma. It's... it's killing me."
no subject
Shusei had listened to the protests and he'd tried to take them to heart, but it was the denial of the one thing that was an absolute truth between them, of the one thing that had grown to become what he saw as an insurmountable wall that caused Hotsuma pain every day that made it impossible to accept those careless words into his heart.
That's why he sighed and pushed the blanket off his lap, then shifted so that he was kneeling beside Hotsuma, facing his partner, Shusei finally forced his deadened gaze up to watch Hotsuma's shifting expression, already resigning himself to the retreat he was about to see from the other as he lifted his hands and quite deliberately began to unbutton his shirt.
With each button undone, the fabric parted, gaped to show the first traces of scars on his upper chest and shoulders.
"I can see it, Hotsuma. Every time you look at me, all you can see are these and I can see the way you blame yourself... despite the fact that I've never blamed you. Every time you see these, I can see the way you berate yourself and... I just can't do it anymore." He paused then to take a breath, and try as he might, he could not force himself to keep his gaze on Hotsuma's face. He couldn't bear to see that rejection of him as he was now once again.
And this time, when he spoke, it was barely above a whisper, "I've always been proud of these wounds, because they brought you back to me but for you... these indelible scars have only ever hurt you and so... So I think it's time we stop being partners. Here, perhaps, you can find someone that doesn't hurt you as I do, because I can't do it anymore, Hotsuma. It's... it's killing me."