partyofthree | I'll Sleep When I'm Dead

Yes.

Yes he's asleep. He feels like he could sleep forever and really and honestly he wishes he would stop getting woken up by this. He's half expecting Pharos and not Minako when he blinks awake, turning his head to stare at her.

He's silent, just blinking.

Part of him almost asks who dares disturb his slumber, but he pushes that to the back of his head.

Hello, chatty not!twin. What is the emergency? He probably shouldn't handle this by turning over and going back to sleep, so he sits up in his bunk instead, staring blearily at her.

"What is it?"

The irony isn't lost on her. In fact, this waking-up thing had become something of a habit long ago.

But it is an emergency, and considering how sociable you aren't, she figures she has go get in your face like she did Shinjiro-senpai in order to get your attention.

"I wanted to talk." Now, let her finish--"About the Seal."

Does she have your attention, finally? She really wanted to be on a friendlier basis before getting down to business, but apparently it just wasn't to be.

Twin? More like parallels.

There are ways you don't start conversations. That was one of them. In a moment, he's almost defensive, nearly bristling because that's not something anyone else knows about to his knowledge. Him and Ryoji, and that should be it.

Of course his defensive is mostly just a frown and a tenseness in his shoulders. He glances around the cabin, eyeing a bunch of people who don't need to know about Nyx, and one avatar who he really doesn't want to upset any further.

"Not here."

"I know." Oh my God, he does emote.

She pulls back a bit. "Let's go somewhere we can't be over-heard."

He probably hadn't spent enough time around her to notice, but she's become rather...uncharacteristically serious, especially in comparison to how she usually presented herself in public.

He does. Slightly. Slight emoting.

He's hesitant to do this. It's not something he wants to talk about at all, but if she knows about it, he can't exactly brush it off. So he nods, tossing the blankets off and rising.

He gives not a damn that he's in pajamas, stepping into his boots. He starts heading for the door (making sure not to step on anyone just in case), a glance back at Minako seeming to ask if she's coming.

Oh she knows, Minato. Quite intimately. She wordlessly follows Minato outside of the cabin, saving her thoughts for when they were finally in the hallway.

"I figured Ryoji-kun would tell you more about me." Seeing as the two of you were super-tight and all. ~~Not jealous. Not really.~~

They should probably stay inside. Of course, being the hour it was, the odds of campers being awake was pretty slim...but still, she wanted to be cautious.

He already has his hand on the door to the porch when she speaks. He turns around at that.

He kind of feels like he needs air. And he's not sure that the others won't hear about this and come on. He's already caused a camp-wide black out. Do they need to know everything else, too?

"He's been busy." Don't try to incriminate him for something. He's got enough on his plate, between un-avataring, getting claimed, and Minato showing up and having to deal with the Issues he seems to have about everything that happened before. Again, he seems almost defensive, as if trying to cut off Minako on any idea about putting any guilt on Ryoji at all.

Whoa there, partner. No need for hostility! "I can only imagine." She lightly chuckles, rather nervously, at that. "Especially after the incident in the bathroom, he must be exhausted."

If he wasn't going to indicate where they should go, she'll go ahead and lead the way, somewhere. "It's a good thing you're here, though. Or..." Her eyes lowered, her voice following. "I hope it's a good thing. If all of us are here, then...I don't know what that means for the Seal, you know?"

She looked back up to him, some hope resonant in her eyes. Hope that there can be some good to come out of this...otherwise coping with Ryoji, Shinjiro--them not remembering her was a small price to pay for a second chance for them.

"...maybe..." She knew this had to be handled delicately. "...maybe you don't know, either..."

But he should, right? She should tell him. Everything she knows. They needed to get onthe same page somehow.

"The world hasn't ended. There's no Dark Hour." The Seal has to be intact, or at the very least, unnecessary. He has to think that. He has to think that, or he'd be giving everything up, begging the gods, finding his father, begging him to send him back. He fought too hard for too long and even if it meant an eternity, he wouldn't let their world end. Not when there was still so much left to fight for.

But talking about this to someone else, someone else who knows is upsetting him more by the second. Not that it shows, he's Minato Arisato, come on, but his fists are clenched in pajama pockets and his eyes are uncomfortably intense when he looks into hers. "How do you know about that?"

Seeing Minato's cold response to her questions only made her own insides knot up painfully. He responded the very way she wished she could, but...that just wasn't her way.

"I..." How could she ever word this in a way he would hear her, really hear what she has to say? "I don't know how to say this, and you probably won't believe me, but..."

She reached up, clenching a fist against her chest in order to contain her fear. She usually wasn't the one setting herself to be vulnerable like this. Every time she'd stuck her neck out before, she was confident the outcome would be positive.

Please, Minato...this is already so hard for the both of them...didn't he owe it to himself to find some reason to all this? "I think we might be...linked somehow. Not like a Social Link," Or were they? "But...I mean. We've gone through almost the exact same things. Right down to Ryoji-kun and Nyx..."

It meant you aren't alone in this, Minato. Not really. Though she doesn't expect him to grasp it right away. As much as she hoped he would.

He actually grasps it uncomfortably quickly. He doesn't get it. His head doesn't want to get around it. That there's another him--well, not really.

That in some world, somehow, Minako did the same thing he did.

That a year ago, she came to Gekkoukan, she arrived at the SEES dormitory in the middle of the Dark Hour, that she'd summoned a persona (Orpheus?) on the roof top. That she'd managed SEES, just like Akihiko said she had, that she'd fought the arcana shadows, that she'd reached the top of Tartarus. That she'd loved and lost the same team that he thinks about every time he closes his eyes. And Ryoji. Nyx.

There's a kind of pain in his chest. Not just for the idea that the world would have gone on without him, that his team didn't need him, that SEES in some world had never known him, he'd never even existed, but for her, too. Because that meant in another world, she was the Seal. In another world she hung on the door between humanity's desire to die and the means to fulfill it.

And it's a shame. Because she's so bubbly and optimistic and how many people missed her? How many people noticed her absence? Minato was quiet, unassuming, people didn't notice him in rooms full of other people. People didn't know about him, people didn't ask about him, and he had always been okay with that. But Minako didn't seem the type. Friendly and outgoing and helpful. And she's the Seal in some strange world where he isn't. He's not sure that's fair.

And now he's literally face to face with what he wanted to put out of his mind for just a little while. At 3AM. In pajamas outside Hermes' cabin after finding out he was a demigod and it was destiny for him to die all along. And he feels dizzy, bracing his hand against the wall. He really, really doesn't know how to respond.

"... Then there's two of everyone." If they were sent to two different worlds to do the exact same thing, that meant there was two of everyone.

And he wonders what made her Akihiko a demigod, but not his. His Ryoji, but not hers.

"Maybe? I dunno--" The thought of two of everything, of everyone...it wasn't too far of a reach, but...when there we such similarities, so much in common with the people she remembered and loved so dearly...she can't really see them as strangers, even if they looked at her the same way.

The same went for this boy, here. Polar opposites, but...in their realities, in their friends' memories, they were the same person, more or less. There had to be some sort of kinship there, even if it wasn't obvious at first.

"--but we're all here, now?" Her voice rises up in pitch. It wasn't so much a question as it was an offer. "Even before you arrived, when talking to Ryoji-kun..." She leaned against the wall beside Minato, not trying to gain eye contact, but waiting patiently for him to reclaim himself. "...I always figured that maybe this was some odd form of payment for letting me see everyone I loved again. That's how I'm looking at it, anyway." Even if it wasn't completely true, it was an acceptable set of terms in her mind. Even if Ryoji didn't remember her, she still accepted him as the Ryoji she knew, even if the sentiment couldn't be returned. For the sake of his happiness...and maybe even a little bit for her own.

"They're still the same people when you get down to it." Minako tried to communicate what hope she'd been holding onto this far. "So there's no reason they can't come to accept you again! Even if it's not the exact same as before--it's worth it just to have them back, isn't it?"

Minato takes another moment to think about what she's saying. Of course he's happy to see them again. But is he happy enough to see them to wish the pain they already felt at losing Minako double as they lost Minato, too, in the end?

Finally, after what seems like an eternity (then again eternity seems like nothing if he doesn't count), he slides down the wall next to her. He's trying to keep it together. He's trying so hard to not let that pain leak out.

Everything ends. He knows that. He's always known that. Nothing is permanent. His relationship with SEES, that bond, that link, that family... is over in everything but their hearts. It's ended. He has to think of it that way. And maybe it's selfish of him because he's almost afraid of getting them hurt again. Maybe if he stays distant he can save his friends more pain.

His friends who were willing to give their lives to keep him standing. His friends whose voices carried to him even as he fought Nyx, herself. Shinjiro and Ryoji. He can handle them. They died before him. They didn't need to hurt because of his fate. They didn't need to feel that loss.

Of course it's worth it to have SEES back. It's worth it to Minato.

But is it worth it to them? Is it even fair to double their loss? How can he vocalize that? How can he explain the way he's afraid, when he can't even figure it out himself?

"... It's better this way." Not knowing. Not getting close. Not getting attached.

No it's not. It's a hundred times worse. But he's happy just to see them okay and safe and happy, too. That is, after all, what he died for, isn't it? To protect their futures?

Edited 2013-05-28 04:35 (UTC)

Minako tentatively takes a seat beside Minato, weaving her fingers together and propping them up on her knees. She follows Minato's gaze, her eyes not really settling on any one spot in particular.

Sometimes silence was needed. At least for a moment. It was hard to digest, and she'd be the universe's biggest liar if she said she didn't have the urge to hole herself up in the ladies' room and have a good cry when she first encountered Ryoji again.

But she couldn't let them worry. Besides. She meant what she'd said, and she'd stick to it. Maybe it was her signature stubbornness that would ultimately break her in the end, but...having those friends, making new ones...it brought unspeakable joy. It was worth the risk. Even if they hurt, they understood. They had hope for the future. It was their hope, her hope--that made the timeless passing at the door somehow bearable.

"You're not alone, you know." She turned her head to look to him. "We might not be the same person, but we have shared many of the same experiences." How lucky would people be if they had someone like that in their every day lives? She cracked a small smile. "I'd like to know more about your side of things, if you'd ever want to share them." If she could understand him better, maybe she'd be more help than what she is now...

He tilts his head back, his arms resting on his knees. He's never been one for words or feelings or anything external and he really wants to know how she did it. How she managed when the only thing that might have gotten him as far as he did was the emotionless mask he always managed to keep up since he was a child.

He thinks he keeps letting the silence go on for too long. She expects him to answer. She might be wondering how he had the energy to do it. He hopes she isn't wondering how he mustered the care. Because there isn't anything in him that isn't changed by the way he cared for the people he met in Iwatodai.

And he's let it go on longer in his thought. Finally he turns to her. "You're not alone, either."

He's not used to other people offering a shoulder for his burdens. The least he can do is offer his shoulders to her, too.

Minako pauses for a moment before turning to look to him. Rare was the moment Minako allowed anyone to see tears in her eyes, rarer still the times they were married with a smile.

"Thank you." She spoke simply, not wishing to ruin the moment with superfluous words. She brought her knees tightly to her chest, looking back away. They shared the same burdens - even if they digested them differently. She wondered if she was doing the right thing in bottling up the sorrow that her friends' forgetfulness had brought to her, but maybe she wouldn't have to wonder that for much longer.

If she could share it with someone, and offer the same in return...things could get better, couldn't it?

In a gesture of trust, of solidarity, she started.

"Did you...was there someone, for you, back then?" She was never good at asking questions vaguely, or with any sort of delicacy. She didn't like to beat around the bush, instead tackling things head-on. It made a few enemies, but most of the time, especially with friends who yearned for an ear for their troubles, it was a welcome invitation to be honest. Most of the time.

She wasn't sure how to explain herself, though, so she cut right to the chase.

"Akihiko-senpai, he--" Her voice caught in her throat. Minato struck her as more intuitive than the average person, so hopefully..."--he doesn't know."

Minato blinks at that question. It honestly startles him out of his worry and quiet melancholy. Was there someone? Someone... how? Someone he loved? As a family, he loved all of SEES (or as close to a family as such a group could be). Singularly? ... Romantically?

He thought back to his last moments, head in Aigis' lap. He thought back to the way she spoke to him. "No."

Not in the way Minako means, anyway. There were a lot of someones. Yukari who had been so cold with him to start, so angry. The way she'd softened, the way she opened up, the way she had become so determined... Fuuka who had been shy and hard to pull out of her shell, who needed something to be passionate about, whose voice still rang in his head when he did something dangerous. Mitsuru, the untouchable ice queen who was really warm and confused on the inside.

And Aigis. Who had become human for him, who had overwritten her own programming to save SEES. Who had learned to cry from the way she felt for them all.

He closes his eyes again, smiling very faintly. The memories that he'd held so dear on that rooftop in the spring sun, the sounds of his friends coming to them, to keep their promise against all odds come, again, to the front of his mind.

"Aigis was there. That last day."

He feels this is worth mentioning, wondering if it was different for her. Aigis was different around him. He wonders if it was the same for Minako.

And then a pit hits the bottom of his stomach. How is he supposed to respond to what Akihiko isn't aware of? How does he even get his head around it? Then again, if Shinjiro was here, he doesn't suppose it's that surprising.

He turns to look at her, sleepiness gone from his eyes again, replaced with a kind of worried curiosity.

"Are you going to tell him?"

Aigis. Yes. She'd been there, too, hadn't she..? But unlike with Minato, Minako seems to remember devotion, determination, guilt...she'd shared a bond with Aigis, but while it held similar tenderness, in many ways Minako felt more of a nurturing inclination towards the SEES member. A friendship, more like a family bond, but not like anything she could sum up in a simple term.

The question Minato'd presented was the very one that had been on the forefront of her mind for days now, and it cast doubt: doubt that she was making the right decision, even doubt that Minato's and her existences weren't somehow reflections of the other. After all, for all their differences in behavior, they seemed to be on the same wave-length on a lot of things.

When she'd made her conclusion before, about how to behave around Akihiko, she'd been so sure, "--I don't know. I don't know if I should." She hunches her shoulders forward, leaning in to rest her forehead on her knees in an uncharacteristically dismayed gesture. "He just lost his best friend, it's all still so fresh and raw..."

I'll Sleep When I'm Dead

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